Irritation as I'm a) stuck indoors and b) sick with flu.
However, I have so much to do especially with this coming weekends' exhibition that I must keep on.
I have been focusing my research on why memories and story-telling are so important. As humans we need, are compulsed to tell stories and recall memories either as a memory or as a sequence of events. Why?
I strongly believe that it allows us to visualise and rewalk a moment or moments in time which is important in seeing how others think, feel, love and live. It promotes empathy as we begin to see ourselves in others. And we need empathy otherwise we are all just arseholes!
Memories allow me to reconnect with the past and rekindle what I've lost. Knitting becomes my rhythm for passing time and remembering as the act of knitting was such and is still a huge part of my background.
Interestingly, I have had conversations with family and we have such diverse and disconnected versions of the past. In fact, some actually got quite absurdly angry with me for thinking and feeling the way I do. But then I was always the inquistor. I wanted to know who I was, who went before me and where I originated from.
This will prove quite a dilemma when I return to the UK. I'm not going to temper down my reasoning and my opinions because of different perceptions. I am who I am and I know where I come from. I sense loss maybe more deeply than my siblings. I am returning to the country of my birth with immense trepidation because the memories I have of the space and place, perhaps do not exist anymore. Maybe never did. Which is why Hireth is such an important concept for me to hold onto.
I've been reading two interesting books recently which have made my sense of self and my journey seem more poignent. Sixteen Trees of the Somme by Lars Mytting, reflects on snippets of memory as the main character explores and tries to explain his life and how he came to be who he was. Family dynamics, family inheritance, family betrayal all feature. Sounds familiar...
The other is Threads of Life by Clare Hunter. Totally relevant as I look at Dad's jumper. Lots of information and avenues which reinforce and reignite my findings for the thesis which is rapidly needing to be completed!! If you haven't read the book, it is a gem! An important discussion on how fabric, knitting and sewing pieces together which scrutinizes both the political and social.